every time i sleep when i don’t want to yet, because of all this ish that went down, and because i haven’t thinkingly digested anything, it finds me in my dreams. thats how i know i wasn’t ready for bed, even though its 3-4 in the morning.
i know, so what about those dreams?
1. you talked to me about the maltreatment of my sister
-i can’t help it i have some type of anger for it. you, have already encountered it. the only way for me to express so to her is by being fucked up to her. what can i say/do? she was fucked up to me. and none of the two of you ever explained anything. all i wanted to know was the truth. and i’ve said this to myself so many times. it’s whatever, DOESN’T even involve me so how else do i still feel these feelings? because it does, apparently. i tried, to let it go, to act as if it didn’t matter. i can still go about trying though. i’ve figured we’re all living our own lives, and you are not my baby sister anymore.
2. you were in my area, visiting. did you fly? this part i don’t remember
-how did you manage this? or to even appear in my dream? i forgot about you a long time ago, i let go of you as well. “don’t act like i never think about you” -those words you said a few months ago actually mean something to me now, because apparently i was reminded of you with every physical moment with someone other than a female this weekend. quite typical.
3. the airport, forgetting to buy a plane ticket, buying a plane ticket and not knowing how much it costed.
-its true, i guess i can’t sleep if im forgetting something, or not writing things down. the very thing that bugs me is forgetting things, not little things like these, but things worth remembering, like situations/conversations/memories/emotions felt and all human things worth remembering. it’s true, i am forgetting to book a plane ticket home, and it’s true i’ve been swiping my credit card and making purchases without checking the price tag.
there ya go. -confessed
