Just sitting here beneath my emotions. The light is not turning on. I need to pack. It’s really frustrating. I can’t see.
My sister said some really hurtful things earlier. “Why don’t you go jump off the bridge?” “Why?” “Cuz your life is meaningless. Why don’t you go pop some more pills since you don’t use your brain anyway.”
It only reminded me of how much anger is such an ugly trait. I became really sad after hearing those words. The sadness still lingers. I always have this overwhelming feeling of sadness… I wonder why and realize that the things that bother you correlate to how much they mean to you. How could you say those things…you’ve been mean throughout this trip. Why would you do that? What’s the point? Even if it’s a joke, why do you laugh at the expense of others? calling me names, calling me fat, devouring my every existence… how could you be so cruel? And what’s wrong with your attitude? Just because you can, alright.
And I wonder why I even care.
Brian once told me something significant about human emotions being part of life. but this feeling of sadness is way too overwhelming. It makes me not want to do anything…pause//fast forward.
It always creeps up on me. I don’t think I’ve ever met sadness this way before.
