December 2011
3 posts
far too many numerous events pass me by, no longer dated.
slept with too many boys this semester to not know. hard to fall, nor hard to become emotionally attached. when is it ever? always been easy, avoidance of the near possible resulting heartbreak. not anymore. numerous and numerous amounts of sheer sheets washed, laundering and tumbling used bedsheets.
“theres more to life than being together”
– teegan & sara, “if it was you”
i probably shouldnt smoke given that my phlegm is streaking with blood. oh, but i want to.. so many things i want to do. i feel so gross under all this feverish sweat
November 2011
1 post
“I will water your soil, keep it rich and moist. But how much? How much water to...”
– Sula
October 2011
5 posts
filtering out
its mid semester and i havent done shit with my life. at least ive somewhat gotten rid of the unnecessary bullshit in my life.. im sitting here at filter w d.vo working on resumes and cover letters, for a select few places that i want to send in. i dont want to get my hopes up, but im hoping they’ll see what ive got. im not scared, but lazy tues and thurs are slowly grabbing my attention,...
long time no see
that was a weird wedding. no, it was actually normal, just weird to be at.
i dont really wanna talk about weddings, but just imagining the feelings of my cousinbride at that moment. can you imagine, was all i could ask myself. what her parents were feeling, what everyone else of that importance might’ve felt, etc etc. im just a reporter. yea, shes my cousin, but she’s just my cousin.
...
still haunted by that fact
when i think about it,
i dont want you to have anything to do with her.
when i think about it,
i think about how foolish B sounds
and that if i were to say something like
i dont want you to have anything to do with her,
i’d sound just as foolish as B sounds.
i don’t want to have anything to do with you
if you have anything to do with her.
please don’t have anything to do...
September 2011
10 posts
hard decisions
number 2 or 3, i’d say three. i forgot what two was.
those plane tickets..
part-time status
i couldn’t be more happier with it. it took me a long time to realize what i needed. if it weren’t for the tugging and pulling back and forth, it definitely took a lot of strength to fight for, and so much courage to actually do it.
the fight for time to find myself and understand myself through my own eyes, for the better of the world.
breathe, stretch, shake, let it go. fill my...
its the people that make you soso happy
im printing out pics of you
a night to get alcohol-intoxicated
currently sitting in my room, avoiding all the people over, dj spinning his tracks, music blaring through the walls.
looks like a night to drink. why not, when you’ve got people over, a reason to party, a good dj, good music, and just plain good vibes.
because im still stressin’. i haven’t let none go. im heading into week four and i havent gotten situated in my room. on top,...
Good Thing The Electricity Is Back On
Ain’t that simple? Direct and explicit, no interpretations involved, nor misinterpretations. They’ve found my hideaway spot…if I don’t answer your SMS it’s because I’m at my new place and I have no reception. You have to call me to speak with me.
It’s the worst feeling ever: pins and needles to your heart. After, you learn to take every single...
i havent been in the healthiest mindset lately
but—sometimes strangers become your best friend when the world seems to be judging you.
and your best of friends are your best of friends too
lowest of lowest
im such a dumass for this one, i wish i knew. i wish i didnt have to make the mistake. never saw it coming, i just wanted to sleep. that was it. i thought itd be fine to just sleep. what is wrong with that? one thing leads to a fucking nother. how was i suppose to know this shit happens? i miss sleepover days
currently heating up in my room
every time i sleep when i don’t want to yet, because of all this ish that went down, and because i haven’t thinkingly digested anything, it finds me in my dreams. thats how i know i wasn’t ready for bed, even though its 3-4 in the morning.
i know, so what about those dreams?
1. you talked to me about the maltreatment of my sister -i can’t help it i have some type of...
August 2011
12 posts
what happened to the carefree me?
im tired of having to wash my dirty feet everyday..
maybe im scared, maybe i just want to be happy with what im doing for once in my life
exactly like i said
in the end its me getting hurt.
i decided that i’d keep sharing anyway. because why should it matter if you don’t appreciate anything? it’s your loss.
-unwanted. cant believe i always think about helping you out. tough love.
why arent you happy for me?
exactly the same shit. i wrote a note to self the other day, but not really a note to self, thinking about people who don’t appreciate you. in pondering the saying, “don’t waste your love on people who don’t/won’t appreciate it,” i was naturally confused. i know i got a lot of love to share, so why can’t i share that love, just because they don’t...
do [;tonic relationships ever last?
oddly enough.
Wrote this a month ago
I musn’t take a day off from life. There isn’t time for that. …
… But that leads me to the idea of people moving on with their lives for bigger and better things. I don’t want to be the friend that changes I guess. This is hard. But I’m already the friend that changed, the one that left the City and went off to college.
I’m sorry. I became who I...
July 2011
9 posts
2 tags
1 tag
ya go 'head and put on yo binoculars
great
its been awhile since i went on pandora, data and passwords lost.
and it auto plays late night alumni. great, because it reminds me of you
back again.
work was entirely nostalgic. i want to tell vee how i wish she was there to be my back up-partner-in crime-ride-or not -die-backup-got my back type of tish. too many damn kids. the citys poor, the nations in debt everythangs a big fuckin mess. but we’re still tryna dea? we okay. yeah, we okay? make sme think of taiwan when everyhtang there seemd like a big fuckin mess....
today
wish i wasn’t pressed on time. the lack thereof to think and process and reflect, thats important.
i wrote everything down today. or enough of what was going on in my mind, no twitter/facebook updates, just paper &pen. i found myself in that strange clarity of thought again. strange, i wanted to hold onto it forever.
i had a bullshit night and then i was having a bullshit morning....
twice in one night
he’s pissed. i’m sad. spewed his anger on me. not really wishing to listen to it. just wanting to be in my own zone absorbing what had just happened. thinking up of a current status update. as if there could be one. ‘what a test. you failed. it puzzles me…’ and right then and there i felt this heavy feeling in my chest, a feeling i hadn’t felt before. as if some...
i hate you,
tumblr.
June 2011
10 posts
father's day
none out of the ordinary. wanted to do something special, and then didn’t want to do anything special. sometimes we get boggled down by needing to do something special, or buy presents. im glad i didnt because i didntplan accordingly. thats a bad trait of mine though.
special reservations, new ties, new wallets, what is it? sometimes its nice to an evoked memory. if you kept track of the...
strawberries and whatnot
i dont know what to write.
someones talking to me.
i wanna make sense of it.
okay, maybe i needa stop with alla this.
bills and debts almost paid.
4am
I have not been on tumblr for a million years.
reason being; my laptop has been broken since last Tuesday. my phone has been gone since last Thursday.
I’ve been extremely MIA.
I still have alot of shit to handle. I know this isn’t very classy of me.
After father’s day and bills kay? and resumes and such.
81
multiply that by five and you get a lot of posts.
i like writing. and editing.
went through the semester and learned a few things about myself.
cutting class is always a secret. like high school
numerous comparisons and relating to things i learned in high school
writing transformation.
not enough to compose sentences right now.
very hungry and starving.
babies are sleeping.
...
honesty
Just sitting here beneath my emotions. The light is not turning on. I need to pack. It’s really frustrating. I can’t see.
My sister said some really hurtful things earlier. “Why don’t you go jump off the bridge?” “Why?” “Cuz your life is meaningless. Why don’t you go pop some more pills since you don’t use your brain anyway.”
It...
If you don't want to be judged, either don't do...
as of late as well.
Over-thinking ruins you. Ruins the situation,...
prettygirlnamednappy:
jiggajiggajiggajigga:
Relevant - not to myself, but to the general.
relevant to me!! haha
as of late.
if you wanna know whats going on with my life
I’ve never been in so much financial trouble, at least I don’t think I’ve been. Bounced checks, NSF’s, overdrafts, etc. I’ve got a list I need to work on, but no money to work with. So here goes an updated list;
1. cashier’s hold: -$unknown
2. housing deposit: -$500
3. credit card: -$200
4. apt damages: -$140
5. ccsf reg: -$92
That’s about a thousand...
you're like a rose with thorns
& a mother who relentlessly picks at your imperfections.
i’d write you a poem,
but i don’t want to waste my time.